So you guys I started reading the book No Greater Love by Mother Teresa.
The beginning is all about prayer and how important it is. There is this great quote by Saint Augustine, "Fill yourself up first, then only will you be able to give to others."
Awesome. I love quotes like these. It's all like permission for me to go to the spa, go out with my friends, go for long runs (alone) and do anything that "fills me up." Jackpot. Next time husband asks why I need to go shopping I can site St. Augustine.
But then I read more and what Mother Teresa wants me to do is to fill myself up in times of prayer.
Ok - so guys I'm going to (as one of the high school students I used to work with said) "keep it 100." Which means keep it real. Which means telling you all how I pray.
Here are my deep and moving prayers to the Lord:
"Lord help me with this child" usually said over said child who gets more angry after I say it.
"Are you kidding me ?!?"
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
Those are pretty much my prayers. And anything else is extra. But on a daily basis, all I seem like I can do is shout out in my mind (and sometimes out loud over exasperated kids). Well then I read this book and Mother Teresa actually wants me to shut up. Stop talking. Stop having the agenda.
"Silence of our eyes
Silence of our ears
Silence of our mouths
Silence of our minds
...in the silence of the heart
God will speak."
Is there any way I can insert that emjoi with the gritting teeth expression here? No in all seriousness how do I become silent? She says,"We cannot find God in noise or agitation." Yep sister, amen to that amen. Because my day is FULL of noise and agitation and I definitely cannot find God in it most of the time.
But even when the darlings are sleeping and the TV and music are off. And the news is not blaring at me. And my smart phone is put down. Can I really be silent? I don't know. I tried - It is really hard to quiet my mind - and my mouth for that matter. I am a loud thinker. So loud.
Once I practice being in silence and listening, I will learn something. Which will fill me up. Which in turn will allow me to have the strength and wisdom of how to love more radically.
So my new prayer is -
"Lord help me to be silent." (or help me shut up ... but I think the first one sounds holier.)