Into the Rabbit Hole ...

Something happened to me at a party (yes I know I was at an actual party) the other weekend I can't stop thinking about. As the night and the open bar wore on two separate women came up to me at separate times and confessed a couple of things about how they felt inferior as moms. We both were standing on the balcony, cocktails in hand, wearing ridiculously high heeled boots shifting from one foot to another. All I could think about as I began to chat with this woman is I cannot stand another single second in these shoes. My feet are literally breaking as she is talking to me. Then she snapped my mind only for a second out of my foot loathing to say, "I am admitting to you - because you seem like the type who won't judge me - I feed my 7 month old food from a jar and I supplement him with formula." She stopped and looked at me like she had just confessed she actually is involved in the mob or a fugitive heading to Mexico. I told her, "Can we please just sit down a

One of those mornings- you know when everything seems against you and it's almost akin to finishing the 10th mile in a half marathon in the split time you want to get out the door to an event 10 minutes away by 10:30 am. The 2 year old up at 4:30 am. Me slothing around loathing myself in a robe until 9:59 am. Then deciding we'd better all hurry up and get dressed because the summer concert I'd hoped to attend glared at me from the newspaper cut out of upcoming summer library events. It is today and it starts at 10:30 and we are going. I am determined to have fun and be the mom who takes her kids to the free library concerts and watches them dance all while taking cute videos and pictures for social media and their dad to look adoringly at while at work. Well apparently there are a lot of other moms with the same idea and we park far away - I am still determined marching my 2 and 3 year old toward the already playing music. I don't have a stroller, I rely on their good

Pushing that double stroller up the dusty path inhaling exhaust mixed with some restaurant salty BBQ aroma my eyes downcast on my worn down sneakers - each step a little closer to the top of the hill - wondering if this hill is always this hard or if I've skipped this run too many times lately and am burdened once again by the exhausting task of pushing the increasing weight my stroller holds. I am hypnotized by my feet and watching each heavy step and each small dust cloud created. Although the hill feels like ages long I am suddenly confronted by the top and quickly lift my eyes and face to the street corner. Only here I realize I am forced to look up from the safe rhythm of my shoes; one in front of the other making small impacts in well trodden earth. Then immediately after I lift my eyes, darkness starts to creep into my vision and I reach for the crosswalk poll and steady myself. I realize staring with downcast eyes while ascending the hill caused disorientation and almost