Skip to main content

How being a stay at home mom can feel claustrophobic and ways to combat it

There's no other time when the walls of our house feel as if they are closing in then waking up to another day where we have to cancel all plans because the kids are still sick. I never thought I'd feel so happy to see green snot turn clear akin to a bail bondsman saving me from jail after a crazy night. 

But it's when the kids are sick the days and nights blend together and I am folding my laundry realizing I'm only folding a week's worth of pajamas. With two kids 22 months apart and both not yet old enough to be in elementary school it's a challenge figure out how to navigate our days.  There's a reason I almost enrolled my son in soccer when he was 1 and then took my daughter to a gymnastics class at the same age. When I realized I was paying a high amount of money to do the exact same things in a gym that we can do at the playground for free I asked the coach (of a class of 20 toddlers) what he was trying to accomplish. He told me the class is meant to get these little future Olympians "playground ready".  Let's just say my toddling daughter who enjoys frequenting the playground designed for kids ages 5-12 and scoffs at the more appropriate structure for kids ages  2-4 did not need a "playground readiness course". If anything I need a therapist to handle multiple panic attacks I have daily due to her climbing ability. So why were there 20 toddlers in a class with a waiting list to learn "playground readiness"? Why on earth are parents enrolling their toddler in soccer?  Why not just go to the park and bring a soccer ball ? 

It's because being a stay at home mom is claustrophobic. It's because when there are days on end with NOTHING on the schedule but caring for young children and cleaning life can seem pretty overwhelming. And then people ask, "So what did you do all day?"
Or maybe we feel as mothers we don't have the skills to teach our kids how to play on the playground well or safe enough or how to kick a ball. But I think it's mostly (at least for me as an extrovert to a fault) a way to plan the day and escape. Somehow by scheduling our little minis with activities professionals provide we can not  only have a reason to get dressed but also know today is Tuesday because my 6 month old baby has swim lessons today. And heaven forbid my toddler is falling behind because she's not getting coached in how to balance on a beam at 1. 
One of the biggest challenges and best parts of being a stay at home mom is the fact that you are the boss. The CEO. The domestic goddess. I CANNOT wait for the day when my kids are off to elementary school. For the day when my son is in little league and my daughter is playing soccer. Then maybe I won't have to hear another well meaning elderly woman tell me this time goes by so quickly and to cherish it. Thanks but I'm pretty sure it's 10:00 am and I am already done with this day. Like done done done. 
So boss lady- warrior mama - domestic goddess, let's embrace our leadership roles and titles. Let's grab our calendars and plan out our week without needing to pay professionals to help ease the smothering days at home. Let's not dread those days when nothing is on the calendar, not even a play date , the siblings are fighting and the house looks far from the pottery barn kids catalog stuck to the table from spilled milk.  Let's take charge and go play soccer with our kids. Let's go do gymnastics at the local playground. Let's jump in puddles outside.  Do what you love with your kids. For me I'm never going to be attempting pintrest worthy crafts by any sort but I sure can pick up a crayon and color. 
And for the times of the day when I feel like the walls are closing in - I'll make sure to get out of the house. And on good days it's for a run. And some days it's going for a drive with the sole purpose of going through the coffee hut drive thru. And for an extrovert to a fault kind of person being a stay at home mom is SO HARD.  So I found a community of moms I lean on so hard and call my mama tribe. Moms who I can text during the day and send memes to who get it. 
So let's do this week alone together like the glorious domestic goddesses we are. And maybe next time I do laundry I will not be folding an inappropriate amount of pajamas. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Why I'm not moving to Canada and I hope you don't either

Dear fellow Americans,

Yesterday I woke up singing "sister suffragette" with misty eyes.

 "Cast off the shackles of yesterday
 shoulder to shoulder -
into the fray!"

Not because I love Hillary Clinton. Because of the historical significance that she was even on the ballot. That the idea a woman could run for president won't be a fairy tale to my children. As I sat on the brown corduroy couch in my predictably blue state I watched state after state shock the news as it came up bright red.

Friends, history is alive right now. We are the American people and the generation experiencing this shift in paradigm today. How are we going to respond?

Susan B. Anthony's grave was covered with women's "I voted" stickers yesterday.
 I don't think Susan B. Anthony would leave the country if she was alive today.
Did she leave the country or threaten to when she was arrested for illegal voting?

Did Rosa Parks try to leave the country after she faced Jim Cr…

Diagnosis Disorders and Uniqueness

Last week I found out some really hard news about my daughter.

In my gut, I always knew certain parenting strategies wouldn't work for her like they did for my son. Everyone with more than one kid knows that. But more often than not, there are some pretty challenging as well as amazing quirks my daughter has which makes her incredibly unique.

It seemed pretty clear to me my daughter has a speech delay. Not uncommon. However, the speech therapist also diagnosed her with something called sensory processing disorder.

All of her behaviors I had thought which make her very adventurous, unique, stubborn, strong willed and creative are categorized under this disorder.  Something about the term "disorder" really bothered me which is why it was so hard to hear. Of course no parent wants their child to struggle, but I shirked away from so quickly putting a label on my 2 year old.

The positive side to knowing she possibly has SPD is I already have gained some really positive strate…

Shame in Motherhood

I started my role as a mother with very different lenses than I have now. A different perspective I guess you would say. I would say, for me, being a mom transformed forced me to change. I mean really change.

I remember looking at my red faced newborn little boy and being so overwhelmed with love and joy and knowing what our little life would be like. How perfect it would be. What a great mother I would be. I envisioned going to all his little sports games, volunteering in all of his classes, and before that strolling down the sidewalk with a cute stroller, baby, and fashionable diaper bag. Ready to meet my mob of mom friends and their sweet babies. 
As a self proclaimed extroverted perfectionist I felt ready to tackle this new role and life as a stay at home mom like never has been done before! 
But, seriously, there is a major problem with being a perfectionist and a mother at the same time. The two cannot co exist in any healthy sort of way. Or any sort of way that won't send …