A tribute

Dear Dodger, 

I can’t believe you are gone. I wake up and expect to see you lying next to my bed or sitting looking at me because the baby is crying and you want me to get him and take care of him. I can’t bring myself to vacuum up your fur that still clings to my couch and sits in tufts on the floor. Yesterday when I ran with Jax along the trail, I felt you with me. I kept looking at my left side, expecting to see your sleek athletic body, muscles working, running and pulling me. You always pulled no matter what - even when you had to wear a gentle leader. Always wanting to go faster, your enthusiasm could not be contained. Even though I couldn’t see you physically there, and wished to have just a glimpse of you, I felt your presence. It’s like you are with me right now as write this. If I turn away from the screen you will be right next to me lying in the sunshine, ready for whatever we are doing next. But I dare not turn around because I would rather dream of you there then see the harsh reality of the empty sun soaked floor. 

I asked Eric last night if he believes that dogs are in heaven. Are you in heaven? I believe you are. The bible says there is no pain and suffering in heaven. I found this quote from Billy Graham about heaven, “I think God will have prepared everything for our perfect happiness. If it takes my dog being there (in Heaven), I believe he’ll be there.” My heart physically hurts I miss you so much. I have faith you are in heaven and you are swimming in a pristine high altitude lake. Maybe there is someone in heaven who loved their dog just as much and they are throwing a tennis ball for you and you can keep going and going because you never get tired, your hips don’t hurt anymore and you don’t feel so out of breath from the cancer in your lungs and on your heart. 

Saying goodbye to you was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am still so sad. Eric and I were talking about how we will never have a dog like you again. You were our first baby. The goofy sweet puppy who came into our lives as a newlywed couple. You were Eric’s classmate at vet school. We proudly held you up in our first Christmas card. You ran miles and miles with me as I trained for my first ever half marathon. You explored the sierras with us,  your favorite words were “cabin, ball, dog beach, dog park, swimming, & dinner”. Eric trained you to balance treats on your nose and would make you hold them there for so long I couldn’t take it any more as the drool pooled on the floor I’d give in and shout “okay!” and you would fling the treat into the air and catch it. 

You loved our kids with all your heart and always watched out for them. I know you had a special love for babies and would let them play with you, climb you and sit on you. I often would find you sleeping by the crib keeping watch of those precious little ones. They miss you. When Michael wakes up from his nap, maybe I’ll open the door and see you lying by his crib now. 

I want to thank you Dodger for being my best friend and comforter. You loved us with your entire self and we are so fortunate to have had you in our family.  

Love with my broken heart, 

Dana