Skip to main content

Stronger does not mean more Perfect

You know how there are those days where there seems to be a theme persisting? Like there's something that I keep getting banged on the head that I need to pay attention to for some particular reason.

Yesterday was one of those days.

It started with an ambitious early morning jog with the two year old in the single stroller which is always a treat compared to the 100+ lb load of both kids in the ball and chain  double stroller. I love to think on my runs and writing and running go hand and hand for me. I felt like I was in a slump and had no other material to say about life, but then suddenly this phrase popped into my mind

Stronger does not mean more perfect.

Strong does not equal perfect.

I am getting stronger - but I am not getting more perfect. In fact, last night's dishes are still in the sink. The kitchen and my house are far from perfect. But I am getting stronger. I am out running and breathing the fresh morning air.

This realization kept bugging me throughout the day as I did things that filled me up instead of things that made me strive for perfection.

Then as if I had been preparing for this moment all day it happened. Here's the scene:

I'm sitting at the kitchen table with my four year old son and he desperately wants to write a note to his daddy. He just started making lines which resemble letters and decided he wanted to write a card. His focus and determination- which I have known his whole life- began to shine through in a way which I recognized all too well. He had just started writing letters not a week ago - yet his brow furrowed and his pencil scribbled angry lines when his "v" in love was not exactly like the example I drew.

He wrote the note. I felt so much pride. Then he wanted to write more and the words and letters were not how he wanted and his anger built. I then realized with all the utmost importance - how can I teach him to love himself and not strive for perfection when he watches me daily striving for perfection and getting angry when life isn't up to my unrealistic expectations?

I need to stop striving for that perfect standard RIGHT NOW. Because if I don't I will only feed his tendency toward perfection and he will struggle. He will feel like he needs to prove himself to be loved.

I hug and kiss him and praise him over and over for his hard work, determination and how caring his heart is that he wanted to write a note saying how much he loved his daddy. Then we decided we had practiced enough and it was time to play.


Popular posts from this blog

Why I'm not moving to Canada and I hope you don't either

Dear fellow Americans,

Yesterday I woke up singing "sister suffragette" with misty eyes.

 "Cast off the shackles of yesterday
 shoulder to shoulder -
into the fray!"

Not because I love Hillary Clinton. Because of the historical significance that she was even on the ballot. That the idea a woman could run for president won't be a fairy tale to my children. As I sat on the brown corduroy couch in my predictably blue state I watched state after state shock the news as it came up bright red.

Friends, history is alive right now. We are the American people and the generation experiencing this shift in paradigm today. How are we going to respond?

Susan B. Anthony's grave was covered with women's "I voted" stickers yesterday.
 I don't think Susan B. Anthony would leave the country if she was alive today.
Did she leave the country or threaten to when she was arrested for illegal voting?

Did Rosa Parks try to leave the country after she faced Jim Cr…

Diagnosis Disorders and Uniqueness

Last week I found out some really hard news about my daughter.

In my gut, I always knew certain parenting strategies wouldn't work for her like they did for my son. Everyone with more than one kid knows that. But more often than not, there are some pretty challenging as well as amazing quirks my daughter has which makes her incredibly unique.

It seemed pretty clear to me my daughter has a speech delay. Not uncommon. However, the speech therapist also diagnosed her with something called sensory processing disorder.

All of her behaviors I had thought which make her very adventurous, unique, stubborn, strong willed and creative are categorized under this disorder.  Something about the term "disorder" really bothered me which is why it was so hard to hear. Of course no parent wants their child to struggle, but I shirked away from so quickly putting a label on my 2 year old.

The positive side to knowing she possibly has SPD is I already have gained some really positive strate…

Shame in Motherhood

I started my role as a mother with very different lenses than I have now. A different perspective I guess you would say. I would say, for me, being a mom transformed forced me to change. I mean really change.

I remember looking at my red faced newborn little boy and being so overwhelmed with love and joy and knowing what our little life would be like. How perfect it would be. What a great mother I would be. I envisioned going to all his little sports games, volunteering in all of his classes, and before that strolling down the sidewalk with a cute stroller, baby, and fashionable diaper bag. Ready to meet my mob of mom friends and their sweet babies. 
As a self proclaimed extroverted perfectionist I felt ready to tackle this new role and life as a stay at home mom like never has been done before! 
But, seriously, there is a major problem with being a perfectionist and a mother at the same time. The two cannot co exist in any healthy sort of way. Or any sort of way that won't send …