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My Husband's new wife

I recently came across a cartoon. It had two little kids beating each other and a frustrated mother on the couch. She had a thought bubble which said, "We thought they'd play together. We said it would be good for him to have a sister." 

Sibling rivalry in my humble experience of approximately 16 months starts at conception.

So I decided for my next book to tackle a review of was Silblings Without Rivalry

This particular novel has sat next to my bed, on my bookshelf, and then moved to a coffee table and the top of the piano. I have finally read it.

The book is very eye opening. If you want some quick go to ways of handling your kids fighting flip to the cartoons in each chapter. They illustrate a skit in how I handle situations now and then how the author says to handle them and how miraculous it is. 

Let's just say I'm pretty skeptical. 
To give you an introduction, the author has you empathize with older sibling. The author compares the entry of a baby into the older sibling's life to your husband getting a new wife. Imagine your husband's new wife getting lots of new presents. Imagine her getting all sorts of attention from your husband and visitors who cannot help but comment on how cute she is. It seems you cannot do much to get attention over this stunning new wife who demands so much. This new wife leaves your husband tired and grumpy and what time he has for you is short and often annoyed. 

I imagined this new wife. And what I would want to do with her. And then suddenly the day my son threw his baby sister's doll into the trash made so much sense. I'd throw that new wife's designer shoes in the trash too. 

Ok. So I get why he's so mad. I hear the women at church commenting on how pretty his sister's dress is and not even noticing him. I can't stop this. She exists and is cute. So what do I do about it? 

I notice him. I make an intentional effort to say things like, "I noticed you are interested in fire trucks." "I noticed you built a train track all by yourself today." None of these comments are in anyway related to his sister. I don't know if it's making a difference. But I do know he seems surprised when I began to say these things. He might even show me a half smile. I try not to be too obvious because I know if my husband was giving me pity compliments because he felt bad about how amazing his new wife was compared to me I would be pretty mad. 

Comments

  1. Love it! My oldest son once told me he was upset because everybody made comments about his little sister, how cute she was, and how she had nice hair. He was upset because nobody said that to him. Luckily he didn't want to take out his frustration on his little sister.

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