Skip to main content

My Husband's new wife

I recently came across a cartoon. It had two little kids beating each other and a frustrated mother on the couch. She had a thought bubble which said, "We thought they'd play together. We said it would be good for him to have a sister." 

Sibling rivalry in my humble experience of approximately 16 months starts at conception.

So I decided for my next book to tackle a review of was Silblings Without Rivalry

This particular novel has sat next to my bed, on my bookshelf, and then moved to a coffee table and the top of the piano. I have finally read it.

The book is very eye opening. If you want some quick go to ways of handling your kids fighting flip to the cartoons in each chapter. They illustrate a skit in how I handle situations now and then how the author says to handle them and how miraculous it is. 

Let's just say I'm pretty skeptical. 
To give you an introduction, the author has you empathize with older sibling. The author compares the entry of a baby into the older sibling's life to your husband getting a new wife. Imagine your husband's new wife getting lots of new presents. Imagine her getting all sorts of attention from your husband and visitors who cannot help but comment on how cute she is. It seems you cannot do much to get attention over this stunning new wife who demands so much. This new wife leaves your husband tired and grumpy and what time he has for you is short and often annoyed. 

I imagined this new wife. And what I would want to do with her. And then suddenly the day my son threw his baby sister's doll into the trash made so much sense. I'd throw that new wife's designer shoes in the trash too. 

Ok. So I get why he's so mad. I hear the women at church commenting on how pretty his sister's dress is and not even noticing him. I can't stop this. She exists and is cute. So what do I do about it? 

I notice him. I make an intentional effort to say things like, "I noticed you are interested in fire trucks." "I noticed you built a train track all by yourself today." None of these comments are in anyway related to his sister. I don't know if it's making a difference. But I do know he seems surprised when I began to say these things. He might even show me a half smile. I try not to be too obvious because I know if my husband was giving me pity compliments because he felt bad about how amazing his new wife was compared to me I would be pretty mad. 


  1. Love it! My oldest son once told me he was upset because everybody made comments about his little sister, how cute she was, and how she had nice hair. He was upset because nobody said that to him. Luckily he didn't want to take out his frustration on his little sister.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why I'm not moving to Canada and I hope you don't either

Dear fellow Americans,

Yesterday I woke up singing "sister suffragette" with misty eyes.

 "Cast off the shackles of yesterday
 shoulder to shoulder -
into the fray!"

Not because I love Hillary Clinton. Because of the historical significance that she was even on the ballot. That the idea a woman could run for president won't be a fairy tale to my children. As I sat on the brown corduroy couch in my predictably blue state I watched state after state shock the news as it came up bright red.

Friends, history is alive right now. We are the American people and the generation experiencing this shift in paradigm today. How are we going to respond?

Susan B. Anthony's grave was covered with women's "I voted" stickers yesterday.
 I don't think Susan B. Anthony would leave the country if she was alive today.
Did she leave the country or threaten to when she was arrested for illegal voting?

Did Rosa Parks try to leave the country after she faced Jim Cr…

Diagnosis Disorders and Uniqueness

Last week I found out some really hard news about my daughter.

In my gut, I always knew certain parenting strategies wouldn't work for her like they did for my son. Everyone with more than one kid knows that. But more often than not, there are some pretty challenging as well as amazing quirks my daughter has which makes her incredibly unique.

It seemed pretty clear to me my daughter has a speech delay. Not uncommon. However, the speech therapist also diagnosed her with something called sensory processing disorder.

All of her behaviors I had thought which make her very adventurous, unique, stubborn, strong willed and creative are categorized under this disorder.  Something about the term "disorder" really bothered me which is why it was so hard to hear. Of course no parent wants their child to struggle, but I shirked away from so quickly putting a label on my 2 year old.

The positive side to knowing she possibly has SPD is I already have gained some really positive strate…

Shame in Motherhood

I started my role as a mother with very different lenses than I have now. A different perspective I guess you would say. I would say, for me, being a mom transformed forced me to change. I mean really change.

I remember looking at my red faced newborn little boy and being so overwhelmed with love and joy and knowing what our little life would be like. How perfect it would be. What a great mother I would be. I envisioned going to all his little sports games, volunteering in all of his classes, and before that strolling down the sidewalk with a cute stroller, baby, and fashionable diaper bag. Ready to meet my mob of mom friends and their sweet babies. 
As a self proclaimed extroverted perfectionist I felt ready to tackle this new role and life as a stay at home mom like never has been done before! 
But, seriously, there is a major problem with being a perfectionist and a mother at the same time. The two cannot co exist in any healthy sort of way. Or any sort of way that won't send …