Skip to main content

A tribute

Dear Dodger, 
I can’t believe you are gone. I wake up and expect to see you lying next to my bed or sitting looking at me because the baby is crying and you want me to get him and take care of him. I can’t bring myself to vacuum up your fur that still clings to my couch and sits in tufts on the floor. Yesterday when I ran with Jax along the trail, I felt you with me. I kept looking at my left side, expecting to see your sleek athletic body, muscles working, running and pulling me. You always pulled no matter what - even when you had to wear a gentle leader. Always wanting to go faster, your enthusiasm could not be contained. Even though I couldn’t see you physically there, and wished to have just a glimpse of you, I felt your presence. It’s like you are with me right now as write this. If I turn away from the screen you will be right next to me lying in the sunshine, ready for whatever we are doing next. But I dare not turn around because I would rather dream of you there then see the harsh reality of the empty sun soaked floor. 
I asked Eric last night if he believes that dogs are in heaven. Are you in heaven? I believe you are. The bible says there is no pain and suffering in heaven. I found this quote from Billy Graham about heaven, “I think God will have prepared everything for our perfect happiness. If it takes my dog being there (in Heaven), I believe he’ll be there.” My heart physically hurts I miss you so much. I have faith you are in heaven and you are swimming in a pristine high altitude lake. Maybe there is someone in heaven who loved their dog just as much and they are throwing a tennis ball for you and you can keep going and going because you never get tired, your hips don’t hurt anymore and you don’t feel so out of breath from the cancer in your lungs and on your heart. 
Saying goodbye to you was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am still so sad. Eric and I were talking about how we will never have a dog like you again. You were our first baby. The goofy sweet puppy who came into our lives as a newlywed couple. You were Eric’s classmate at vet school. We proudly held you up in our first Christmas card. You ran miles and miles with me as I trained for my first ever half marathon. You explored the sierras with us,  your favorite words were “cabin, ball, dog beach, dog park, swimming, & dinner”. Eric trained you to balance treats on your nose and would make you hold them there for so long I couldn’t take it any more as the drool pooled on the floor I’d give in and shout “okay!” and you would fling the treat into the air and catch it. 
You loved our kids with all your heart and always watched out for them. I know you had a special love for babies and would let them play with you, climb you and sit on you. I often would find you sleeping by the crib keeping watch of those precious little ones. They miss you. When Michael wakes up from his nap, maybe I’ll open the door and see you lying by his crib now. 
I want to thank you Dodger for being my best friend and comforter. You loved us with your entire self and we are so fortunate to have had you in our family.  
Love with my broken heart, 

Dana













Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diagnosis Disorders and Uniqueness

Last week I found out some really hard news about my daughter. In my gut, I always knew certain parenting strategies wouldn't work for her like they did for my son. Everyone with more than one kid knows that. But more often than not, there are some pretty challenging as well as amazing quirks my daughter has which makes her incredibly unique. It seemed pretty clear to me my daughter has a speech delay. Not uncommon. However, the speech therapist also diagnosed her with something called sensory processing disorder. All of her behaviors I had thought which make her very adventurous, unique, stubborn, strong willed and creative are categorized under this disorder.  Something about the term "disorder" really bothered me which is why it was so hard to hear. Of course no parent wants their child to struggle, but I shirked away from so quickly putting a label on my 2 year old. The positive side to knowing she possibly has SPD is I already have gained some really positive...
3 comments
Read more

A call to parents raising children in a terror stricken era

How do we raise our children in this world?  I want to take a step back from the politics, the rhetoric, the trending hashtags and prayers vs. gun control debate. I want to address how our generation is going to raise our children in the era of mass shootings. Random mass shootings in our country.  I had not realized how much the fear of terror so close to home had affected me until I was at a Christmas concert at my church this past weekend. While listening to beautiful orchestra reverberating "Joy to the World' I began to think...what if there is a shooter planning on coming in here? My back is to the entrance. I began to fill with anxiety instead of peace. I heard a little boy asking his mom if a musician with his instrument was in fact a "guy with a big gun".   When did a concert I have attended most Christmases of my life turn into something other than joyous?  Growing up, it was normal for me to hear Tom Brokaw or Diane Sawyer on the evening news along ...
4 comments
Read more

Everest in high heeled boots

Something happened to me at a party (yes I know I was at an actual party) the other weekend I can't stop thinking about. As the night and the open bar wore on two separate women came up to me at separate times and confessed a couple of things about how they felt inferior as moms. We both were standing on the balcony, cocktails in hand, wearing ridiculously high heeled boots shifting from one foot to another. All I could think about as I began to chat with this woman is I cannot stand another single second in these shoes. My feet are literally breaking as she is talking to me. Then she snapped my mind only for a second out of my foot loathing to say, "I am admitting to you - because you seem like the type who won't judge me - I feed my 7 month old food from a jar and I supplement him with formula." She stopped and looked at me like she had just confessed she actually is involved in the mob or a fugitive heading to Mexico. I told her, "Can we please just sit down a...
1 comment
Read more